Alright, besties, let’s talk survival tactics, because visiting relatives is basically like stepping into an emotional battlefield where your life choices are up for public debate. Whether it’s your nosy aunt who treats your love life like a soap opera or that one uncle who thinks your major is useless, family gatherings are not for the weak.
So, if you want to keep the peace (or at least avoid becoming the dinner table’s hot gossip), here are 8 things you should NEVER tell your relatives.
1. “I’m Still Single”
Cue the collective gasps, pitying looks, and unsolicited advice about how you should “put yourself out there more.” Because obviously, you just sit in a cave all day waiting for Prince Charming to DM you. Next time, just say, “I’m dating myself right now. It’s a full-time job.” Mysterious and unarguable.
2. “I Don’t Want Kids”
If you enjoy a dramatic family meltdown, go ahead, drop this bomb. But if you’d rather not hear a lecture about “who will take care of you when you’re old,” just hit them with “Let’s see what the future holds!” while dramatically sipping your iced coffee.
3. “I’m Switching Careers”
Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of boomers like a good ol’ career change. Expect the classic, “But you spent all that time in school!” speech. Instead, say “I’m exploring new opportunities” and watch them try to decode what that means.
4. “I Have Tattoos/Piercings”
Relatives act like body art is a one-way ticket to unemployment and disgracing the family name. Just casually wear long sleeves and keep the conversation moving, because explaining the meaning of your tiny butterfly tattoo for the 100th time isn’t worth it.
5. “I’m Moving Out (Again)”
If you don’t want to hear “Why would you waste money on rent when you could just stay here forever?” keep your relocation plans hush-hush. Just tell them, “I’m embracing new adventures!” (And no, they don’t need to know that adventure is just moving five minutes away to escape their constant pop-ins.)
6. “I Voted For…”
Unless you’re looking for an all-night political debate with your conspiracy-theory-loving cousin, keep your vote as private as your ex’s embarrassing DMs. Instead, throw them off with “I believe in democracy!” and swiftly change the subject.
7. “I’m in Therapy”
Telling older relatives you’re in therapy is like telling them you’re auditioning for a reality show. Expect confused looks and a “Why? What happened?!” meltdown. Just say “I’m working on my personal growth!” and move along before they suggest praying it away.
8. “I Make Money Online”
Nothing confuses relatives more than non-traditional jobs. If you mention making money online, prepare for the “But is that even a real job?” interrogation. Instead, say “I work in digital business” and let them assume you’re basically the CEO of Google.
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Now, Over to You!
What’s the wildest thing a relative has ever said to you? Drop it in the comments, and let’s scream-laugh together.